“Still here?” “Yup. Still here.”
This exchange happens a few times a day lately. And will increase in frequency as we get farther from our due-date, which was this past monday. It’s a good reminder, actually.
Yes, I’m feeling still. And at times, I’m feeling here, present.
And, I’m still here, still on this side of becoming a mother of two. On this side of the work of childbirth. On this side of newborn-haze-land-baby-bliss-sleep-deprivation-lala-land.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in stillness lately, in meditation. In ceremony. In communion with other women and mamas and babies and families and family members and 3 year-olds.
And in non-stillness. So much has happened lately that I can’t find words for. I went so deep inside myself in a Kundalini meditation SLASH neuroscience retreat at Kriplau, I still can’t really talk about it (Dr. Joe Dispenza‘s Progressive Workshop — highly recommended it if you like knowing how your mind works and finding peace within the chaos of change!). I have been celebrated many times in varying ways for my impending arrival into motherhood of two. Dinners and surprises and massages and parties and a more-than-special baby “sprinkle” (the “shower” is for the first one!) and a gorgeous Blessingway that was so powerful and helped me feel more supported than I knew was possible.
Then yesterday I had a wonderous shamanic energy healing session/journey with my friend Amy (she owns Sruti Yoga Center — if you’re nearby, check it out!). I am really
getting ready this time around. I know birth is a huge initiation for any woman, no matter how or where she chooses to give birth, and as I peer around the corner of this huge transition, even though I know my body is capable of this work (I did it once before, after all!), I see how huge and important it is to feel supported. To not feel alone. To remember the work of millions of women before me and to come after me. To connect and feel the strength of my community, as well as my body and spirit. I CAN DO THIS! Rawr! hah!
So… in the meantime, we wait. Natalie decided to wait a few weeks after her due date to arrive, so we knew it was likely that this little lady would wait a bit longer than that predicted date. And I’m in no rush. I’m still here. She’s still in there. And we are enjoying our days of stillness and presence. I hope to bring some of that with me to the birth and to the other side of birth, hoping that in the wee hours of the night when I’m up with this being who needs all of me, that I can be still, and present, and hold space for her and for me and my needs. And to connect with those around me and those who have come before me and will come after me, to remember that we’re all in this together and there’s no other answer than love and breath.
Still. Here. Now.